Everything – Lifehouse
I am very familiar with knowing the feeling of how lost I can become; knowing how far I tend to wander. I continue to tell myself that I’m fine doing this on my own; I’m fine with Him sitting on the sidelines… but God sees through that nonsense. He always knows where to find me; He always knows exactly what I need and when I need it. He provides the right people to pass on His strength, love, encouragement, wisdom… these people are our angels who remind us of who we are in His eyes; that we are strong, loved, and beautiful individuals. They are the shoulders we cry on and the ears that listen when life falls apart; they are the eyes that still see the good in us; they are the arms that wrap around us to show us that we are still loved; they are the voices that pray continuously and guide us back home. To them, they are just regular people who have their own weaknesses and make their own mistakes but to us, they are the angels among us providing all we need by His grace. I’m grateful for the angels I’ve encountered throughout my 29 years of life. In their own way, each one served a purpose according to God’s plan to lead me back to the best path He has set out for me. The hard thing to understand about angels is that some won’t always be there. Some will come to fulfill their purpose and then move on; they are there while you need them but don’t want them and gone once you want them but don’t need them. Some angels may seem to pop in and out of your life as a reminder just to keep you on track. Regardless of their individual purposes, they remain among us according to His plan. In rare cases, angels don’t even look like angels. They may not always be the best influence and yet once you’re about to go too far, they say, Hey, don’t do that. You can’t come back from that… It’s pretty amazing how God can create something beautiful out of every situation, whether it be a good situation or a bad one.
Even with all of these angels among us guiding us along the path that God has set out before us, sometimes it remains more difficult than not to find our way home. I remember when I came back to Christ in 2017. Nothing and I mean nothing could have separated my heart from His. I was faithfully in His Word, studying different devotionals, and constantly watching online sermons from a few different speakers and pastors. Gaining new perspectives and understandings with each passing moment. My Spirit was fulfilled which in turn made the enemy attack every other aspect of my life. At one point, he was successful and got to me through someone saying that all I cared about was my relationship with Christ and that I was losing sight of everything else… of course this wasn’t true but I had become fearful by what others thought and I took a couple of steps back; reigning in the outpouring of His love because I was making certain people uncomfortable which in turn was jeopardizing certain relationships. The enemy’s tactics are very clever and can obviously be very convincing… Although my faith itself was not shaken, I was no longer as outspoken about it as I had been. Over time, I had put more and more distance between Christ and myself; holding back when the opportunities arose to share His love and what it means to me. It wasn’t long that the distance diminished the connection. I was still aware of His Holy Spirit and His presence during Sunday worship services remained very powerful, however, my ability to stay focused on His Word and His teachings that I had found so enlightening and engaging had then become nonexistent.
It has been about 8 months now and I still haven’t gotten myself back to where I was. Do you know what it’s like to distance yourself from the One who loves you unconditionally? Are you aware of what happens when you walk away from His strength, His love, His grace, His mercy, His wisdom?? When I was informed that people didn’t like who I was becoming because I was making them uncomfortable, I took a step away from the One who gave me purpose; the One who gave me life. I allowed fear to take over because I chose to care more about what others thought about me rather than care what God says about me. I became depressed and I distanced myself from my family. I put up unbreakable walls and I opened a place for anger to reside in my heart which I allowed to turn into resentment toward those I cherish the most. When I chose to take a step back, that decision was made to enrich my relationships that others felt were being neglected. Unfortunately, the results I received from that decision were not what I had set out for. At that point, I had hit rock bottom. I had become so angry at myself for not being able to be the woman that God had intended, the mommy that my littles needed, and the wife that my husband deserved; I simply continued to push them farther away and I was giving up. Although I knew the missing link, I couldn’t get back what I had given up. I was still allowing fear to strangle the life out of me.
Not today Satan, I have had enough! Fear, you will not own me; there is no room for you in my story. I will no longer apologize for making someone uncomfortable because I rather speak truth and make them feel something then to hold back and watch them miss out on knowing an unconditional love; finding freedom from the chains that have kept them bound. I will no longer stand in the way of what He has set out to accomplish through me and for me. I believed something that I should never have believed and I lost precious time that I’ll never get back; I almost lost everything… I am now confident in knowing who I am in His eyes. I will stand firm in that identity. God is bigger than any of my fears; any of the unexpected conditions that I will face. With His strength and courage, I will jump over every hurdle that stands in my way. The thoughts that pour in will no longer hold me hostage. I will overcome. Even with all of my scars, I am beautiful. I am enough. I will run my race and I will succeed. He will not leave me nor will He forsake me; He will never abandon me. He never promised an easy life therefore I will no longer ask Him to take away the unexpected; instead, I will trust in Him and pray for His continued strength. We will have trials and tribulations in this world but take heart because He has already overcome this world! (John 16:33).
To our Heavenly Father,
Thank you for your unconditional love, your unending mercy and grace; thank you for never giving up on us even when we have given up on you. I ask that you will continue to fill us with your strength and courage to overcome every unexpected condition that we encounter. May we ever stay in your word when our fears and depressions become too much to bear; may we remain faithful in trusting you and your plan, that you will never leave us. You are all I want. You are all I need. You are everything. In Your name, I pray – Amen.
To my Angels, thank you… I have found my way home♥
With love in Christ,