March 23, 2017 – I was reading through the Gospels, diving into the renewal of my faith, and Mark 5:34 jumped (LITERALLY JUMPED) off the screen at me (Yes, I was studying using the Bible App on my phone). I was immediately overwhelmed with this feeling of peace and comfort; in prayer and devotion, just God and I, with the utmost certainty SOMETHING was different. Tears streamed down my cheeks… As I mentioned in my Meet & Greet blog, I have lived with Type 1 Diabetes for 18 years now. I knew right away (or I thought I knew) that God was working on SOMETHING big and my only thought was that my pancreas was the only organ in my body that needed healing.
Soften your heart,
Quiet your soul,
Speak out with love,
With this, may your body become whole ❤
(Even when God spoke and laid these words on my heart, I only had one organ on my mind…) During this time period, I had been struggling with my appetite and eating regularly; I had unnecessarily lost about 15 lbs which in turn, decreased my insulin intake. With all of this happening at the same time, I was easily led in one direction with blinders on; not seeing the whole picture. Let me just say it now: Satan likes to fill our lives with all kinds of distractions to try and keep us from the blessings and healing that God has to offer us.
As the year went on and not much more was changing – I was doing everything in my power to keep a positive attitude knowing that God was in control, no matter the outcome. (Little did I know what was really going on and what God had in store).
Finally, I came to a point that provided me more understanding about what God was doing in my life. It wasn’t the healing of my pancreas that was crucial. It was my heart. I had hardened my heart (probably about the time of my diagnosis) and never learned how to “let go and let God do”. After years of heartache and disappointments, my heart was simply lost and full of anger. What I thought was forgiveness was burying and forgetting; there was never the opportunity for healing. I allowed Satan to keep a part of me in the dark for a long time until God stepped in. It was as though He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me alive – “Enough is enough. I’ve got you!”
Sometimes you need to hear the same thing a thousand times, maybe by different people, and maybe a thousand different ways until you finally have a light bulb moment. If you are going through or have gone through a similar struggle of being left in the dark, take a minute to remember: no matter what season you are in, no matter what the situation may be, God already has your escape route planned out.